Saturday, August 7, 2010

Big Mel Rides a Bike

Okay, so it's true that I spend most of my time goofing off, drawing pictures of the Original Chamois Monkey, and fantasizing about people actually reading my blog. But occasionally I do like to get my Fuji Team Pro racing bike out and go for a ride.

My latest adventure took me, Dr. T., and the Godfather from Edwardsville, IL to Staunton, IL along the Quercus Grove Trail.

The Quercus Grove Trail starts in Edwardsville at E Vandalia St just East of N Brown Ave. This trail changes from blacktop, to crushed rock back, to blacktop a few times with a small length of country road thrown in just for kicks. However, the trail was easily handled by my 23cm tires with just a few loose gravel spots that made me pay additional attention for a brief time. The ride out to Staunton is approx. 20 miles and extremely flat. Nice weather and easy riding allowed up to get into Staunton quite quickly.

While in Staunton, there is one place you have to visit ... Henry's Rabbit Ranch. Rich Henry, the proprietor, is one of the friendliest people you'll meet along historic Route 66. He has created what can only be described as a 'wonder emporium' of all things Route 66 ... oh yeah, and he has rabbits also. Stop in for a visit next time you find yourself in Staunton, IL, I'm sure he'll tell you a story and let you pet a rabbit!

Dark clouds forced us to cut our site-seeing in Staunton a bit short and we found ourselves riding back in a steady downpour all the way back to Edwardsville. My feet felt like they were pedaling in two goldfish bowls by the time we reached our car. The trail holds up fairly well in the rain, although it is allot like riding on the beach at low tide on the crushed stone sections.

Only major letdown was not getting over to Pink Elephant Antique Mall to see the newly painted pink elephant, their new flying saucer, an oversized tricycle, or sample a frozen treat from their new ice cream stand. Oh well, just another reason to ride again next time.

Big Mel

Monday, July 26, 2010

Big Mel's Top 10 Biking Pick-up Lines

Okay, so I'm happily married and not looking to meet members of the opposite sex when biking, BUT many of you are out there looking for the right person to ride into the sunset with. With that in mind, I am happy to share my Top 10 Biking Pick-up Lines:

#10 ... "You have a rockin' saddle bag!"
#9 ... "Can I ride in your draft slip?"
#8 ... "My bike only has one seat, but I'll make room for you!"
#7 ... "Do you prefer power bar or jell-shot?"
#6 ... "You send my heart rate monitor into the red!"
#5 ... "That's not a spoke wrench in my shorts!"
#4 ... "Do you want me to help determine your VO2max?"
#3 ... "Who applies your chamois butter?"
#2 ... "Do you want to see my Chamois Monkey?"

And Big Mel's #1 Biking Pick-up Line ...

#1 ... "Nice Knobbies!"

Results may vary ... use at your own risk!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Introducing The Original Chamois Monkey!

After minutes of preparation, hours of discussion, months of procrastination, and years of hoping, is proud to present The Chamois Monkey!

The Chamois Monkey is revolutionizing biking as we know it and he has just been introduced! One of the original creators of the Chamois Monkey explains it this way:

"The Chamois Monkey is an icon ... a beacon of light ... an inspiration that says, 'Biking doesn't have to be like it use to be!' It use to be that applying your chamois butter, or having your wife do it, or your mother, was a routine almost mundane task that needed to be done before biking. BUT NOW the Chamois Monkey is here! And although the Chamois Monkey is not an actual live monkey, just thinking about him will make the task of applying chamois butter more enjoyable."

But besides the buttering side, the Chamois Monkey will also inspire riders to ride faster and farther than ever before! Someone that has heard of a panel of experts said:
"While riding a bike it is important to maintain a positive attitude to achieve maximum results. One way to do this is to think of something like a skillfully trained wild monkey applying chamois butter to your 'sitting' area before you ride. The joy that comes from such thoughts, along with hours of training, will definitely help you be a better rider."
Of course image is important too. You cannot be inspired by something if you don't see it or know what it is. That is why is developing a whole series of merchandising products for you and your friends to wear and share while you bike, walk, eat, sleep, sit, stand, or whatever other activities you enjoy. Big Mel himself said,
"It's hard to make someone happy by just saying hello or good morning, but say it with The Original Chamois Monkey on your shirt, hat, mug, bumper sticker, or other things to come, and you are sure to not only strike up a conversation, but also make a friend."
Most people like monkeys. Some people know what chamois butter is. We at have brought these two things together for the betterment of your life and those around you. Never again will you go to the zoo and think,
"Oh, that's just a monkey."
Now you will think,
"I wonder if that monkey is the actual Chamois Monkey!"
Get out there and ride ... tell your friends ... it's a new day in biking! Shout it out:
"The Chamois Monkey is here! The Chamois Monkey is here! The Chamois Monkey is here!"